Woody Allen was quoted once as saying, “80 percent of success is just showing up.”

Often when I am speaking to high school or college classes, the question of how to be successful designer comes up. And more often than not, I quote Woody’s wisdom because it is an absolute truth that applies not just to filmmaking and graphic design, but just about any other path in life you choose to follow.

The best example of not showing up is something that happened recently in my attempt to have a print project quoted by a printer. I am not going to name the printer, but I will tell you that it wasn’t F.P. Horak, McKay Press or QRP. Those are the three printers I use most often and I don’t want anyone to think that I’m talking about them.

This particular project, I thought, was a good fit for another printer in the region. The printer in question threw up every single roadblock they could come up with along the way. Honestly, it was as if they didn’t want my work.

My first step was to find their website to get contact info. The Google search took while because I wasn’t 100% sure of their name (they have gone through some ownership changes). With the correct site located, I clicked through to look for contact info and trouble ensued.

Their site is a wide-awake nightmare. I couldn’t find the information I was looking for, contact info was buried, sales department names and e-mail addresses weren’t available, etc. I didn’t want to fill out a form to wait for a response because my experience with these forms is that response time tends to be slower.

I was able to locate a phone number, though, so I called which led me to a pain-in-the-ass phone tree. If you don’t know the name of the person you are trying to reach, you’re directed to a general mailbox. Since I couldn’t find any sales rep names online, I would be stuck in the general mailbox which often isn’t much better than filling out the online form, where response time is concerned.

I call back and hit zero a few times and get through to a live person. I explain that I need a quote and she isn’t sure who she needs me to get to. After some confusion on her part, I just ask for a customer service rep and says she’ll connect me to the person I need to talk to. The call goes through to an extension which promptly hangs up on me. I call back again and ask if I can speak to a living, breathing customer service rep, but because I don’t have an account manager, she can’t direct me to a CSR.

Finally, in frustration, I give up. The job was a perfect fit for them and it will be printing elsewhere. It isn’t the hugest job in the world, but it would probably be somewhere between 5–10 grand every month or two. How many jobs like this do they lose in the course of a week? There were several opportunities along the way for them to save the interaction, but they managed to miss at every step. All they had to do was show up, but they phoned it in and missed out on a decent, little revenue stream.

There is actually a humorous postscript to the story, too. About one week after being unable to get a quote, I actually get a call from the sales manager wanting to sell me on doing my printing with them. I told him that I was surprised to hear from him and told him all about what had happened the prior week. He is both grateful for the candid input and assures me that is not the way they do business. He asks if he could send me some material to look at about them and maybe set up a meeting. I understand that every business has bad days, so I tell him to send the info and we’ll get together after that.

Five weeks later and guess what…nothing ever showed up.

Chuckleheads.

I had to run into Staples to have something laminated. While I was at picking up and paying for my order at the copy center desk, I told the girl working behind the counter that I needed to buy five sheets of 11″ x 17″ paper. Simple request, right?

Me: “Do you have 11″ x 17″ paper in colors?”

Staples co-worker: “Yes.”

“Can I have five sheets on the ivory or the cream?”

“We don’t have it in stock…we have to special order it.”

Didn’t I just ask if you had it? Did she think I was inquiring as to whether or not such 11″ x 17″ colored paper existed? 

“Okay…that’s not a problem. Do you have it in stock in white?”

“Yes.”

“Great. Can I have five sheets of that?”

“Um…okay…um…we don’t…um…we can’t really sell you five sheets like that. There isn’t a way that we can ring it into our system.”

You would think I was asking her to sell me her shoes or something. Even now when I think about it I have to shake my head in disbelief. There are several options she had, any of which would have worked out better than her response. She could have decided to:

1. Sell me the paper as if it were 5 copies. Easy. Problem solved. 

2. Give me the paper for free. It’s five sheets of paper…they cost you next to nothing. It creates goodwill with a regular customer.

3. Almost anything other than stand there like a deer in the headlights, stammering about point-of-sale systems.

My last job with Kinko’s was as a regional trainer, handling customer service classes. This is Customer Service 101, Staples. Hire people who can solve problems, rather than create them. I’ll still shop at Staples for supplies sometimes, but from now on my print work will probably end up elsewhere.

These days I frequently hear people blathering on about branding, but the truth is that very few people really have any idea what branding is. It’s not your logo, it’s not your tagline–it’s everything. Including—especially in service businesses—the people who man your registers. In a micro environment like a small city where word of mouth carries a lot of weight, who you hire says more about you than your logo ever will.